Ritchie’s First Impressions of Las Vegas
This is my first time in Las Vegas and I’m here with John (also his first time). A few observations that I’d like to document and mention:
1. I’m an early riser that requires coffee to function in a “normal” state. This is bad why? Last night was a long night and I woke up at 5:30am, stumbled my way to the 24 hour Starbucks for an Americano (conveniently located in the Planet Hollywood Casino) and was attacked by a sensory overload of lights and sounds from the casino portion that I had to walk through. Not good since this almost caused me to go into a murderous rampage to all of the casino patrons (who were still drinking and playing - who drinks alcohol at 5:30am, I’ll tell you; alcoholics thats who!)
2. When you’re walking the strip, you can walk in any door and end up in a casino. Which is a pretty obvious fact since we are in Vegas, but you don’t understand. It’s EVERY door!
John: I need to go find a washroom
Me: Hey, look there’s that door with the washroom symbols on it.
John: Ok, let’s go. I really need to go
*Walks through door into the penny slots portion of the casino*
Me: WTF! I don’t think we should be urinating on the slot machines.
3. There is a lot of food to eat here. Not a big deal considering the amount of food that John and I ate seems to be the equivalent to a small supply depot for an army.
John: Dude, check out this muffin!
Me: Holy crap, that thing is huge!
John: It’s like 3 muffins in one! Aaaaaannnnd if you really want to, you can get Prime Rib for breakfast!
Me: Yes, only in Vegas can you get a muffin the portion of a small planet and still get some fatty prime rib steak with au jus made with the fat of angels with it.
4. There are rappers every where. Now generally, I don’t get scared with thugs; I usually socialize very well with people but in Old Vegas at 1am every one seems to be a struggling rapper speaking in that Snoop dogg gansta speak. Thank God John speaks ebonics.
Rapper guy: Yo homeboy, let me holla at you for a bit. Check this track out.
Me: Erm, huh?
John: *whispers* They want you to listen to a CD.
Rapper guy: Yea dog, peep this. *puts headphones on my head and plays distorted rap music*
Me: Oh this is pretty good, who is this?
Rapper guy: Oh thats me (name: Troof Serum) on the track, you like it?
John: *whispers* Don’t say you like it or they’ll ask you to buy it.
Me: Yea, it’s pretty good.
Rapper guy: Well, if you like it; we’ll give you a CD for a small donation. *stares directly into Ritchie’s soul*
Me: *throws 2 bucks* Runs like the dickens, while screaming “please don’t kill me” repeatedly.
Fun yes, but me thinks we’ll be taking the cab instead of walking from now on.
8:43 am 3 Comments