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3 Things I Must Need to Buy

Lately, I’ve been trying to focus my buying into very specific goal oriented things. This means that I haven’t been buying anything that doesn’t directly equate into accomplishing what’s on my 2009 list. I’ve been controlling my impulse purchasing to the point that I’ve avoided the mall and different shops that I used to visit often. In an effort to make the shopaholic urges controllable I’ve compiled, sorted, prioritized and trimmed the list to 3 absolutely must-have-must-buy items *:

1. Yoyashop Chalkboard Magentic Paint. Since getting married, I’ve been getting my lessons in domestication. With cool chalkboard paint, you can do things like identify your keys and draw cool pictures on the wall. Releasing your inner child.
2. Anything from Voltage Land. How can you go wrong with cute vinyl toys and plush animals of dogs in a cactus body suit? Although, just the thought of a body suit in this heat wave is already making me sweat profusely.
3. Everyone, absolutely everyone needs a custom shirt at some point in time in their lives. Although, I’ve never ordered from this site because my weight has been all over the place; I will.

* I’m hoping that writing about it helps me control the urge to buy these 3 things.

So if you’d like,  you can torture help me and share your impulse shopping list with me in the comments.

10:25 am 0 Comments

A Post of Insults

So in order to blow off some steam, I started to write in my notebook, lately it’s been evolving into tiny notes that have been making my day. It took a whole week to collect my mental thoughts in my notebook, extract them, and present them here. Why? Well because I can. It’s my blog and it’s all about me (all the time).

• Hey you! Awkward middle management walking around, interacting with people while your iPod headphones are on. It’s rude. We get it! You own an iPod! So does everyone else in the world. When you’re talking to people, take those suckers off your ears and respect the person that you’re talking to. It’s the least you can do.
• Dear neighbor, your house is in dire need of a renovation. It looks like a house that got raped by termites in an orgy. Please, paint it. Better yet, demolish it and rebuild a cardboard box on top. It will look better. Thanks, Ritchie
• I don’t care about your opinion or your incessant need to justify your salary by spewing out the latest buzz words you read in the latest Gartner White paper or the latest Microsoft sales pitch. No really, I don’t.
• You! The one talking too loud in the sea-bus, you are annoying. I don’t want to hear your conversation. Actually, I don’t understand Spanish so you’re being a tease talking in a volume that deaf astronauts can hear.
• Mr No-concept-of-personal-space! Standing in line at Starbucks and invading my personal space won’t make the barista move any quicker. It won’t! My personal space doesn’t defy the laws of time. So you won’t get your wimpy dark coffee any earlier. Plus, you have shit in your teeth.

Sometimes you just gotta let things off your chest. I somehow feel lighter. Feel free to share your notes in the comments! It’ll be fun!

10:00 am 0 Comments

Shopping for Ed Hardy… Nothing

I can’t go insulting a French trailer park douchebag until I actually tried to go in and attempt to buy his clothing. I was hoping to find a piece of clothing that would appeal to me and I would have to write a retract on my blog post (I did it for blog fodder – I’m not ashamed). Since I recently had an opportunity to visit an Ed Hardy store, I thought I’d give a quick browse through and see if I can find something that I like. I took Cheryl with me, since this requires my always reliable fashion consultant (and wife).

Ritchie and Cheryl: [Browsing through the store]
Trying to hard hipster store clerk: Hi there, can I help you guys find something?
Cheryl: Nope, not really we’re just looking around.
THHSC: Well, we have a few pieces here. The popular ones seem to be the patterns with the Dragons, Skulls, Skeltons, Lizards and Tigers.
Cheryl: Oh, ok! How about something less….. flashy and shiny?
THHSC: Ummm….

I never thought I would ever experience a 5 minute “Ummm” until I had this conversation.

9:43 am 0 Comments

Gooooooo Lions!

Here in Big Beautiful ™ British Columbia our local CFL team is the BC Lions. This blog is definitely is not a sports blog and you shouldn’t be reading any sports related posts from me (unless it’s tennis or swimming). However that being said, the boys took me to go see a game. It was my first time going to BC Place for a sports related event. So it was weird not seeing food booths or show cars or Madonna strutting her stuff.

I wanted to collect and preserve the memory so here are a few random thoughts.

• It is hot in there. It is definitely possible that global warming has some effects on this but man, sweaty sports fans + football + expensive beer = I dunno what, but it isn’t pretty. I heard they’re spending an insane amount to make BC Place’s roof retractable.
• Football fans are definitely a different crowd from tennis fans. The Lions played Calgary and there was a Calgary fan sitting infront of our seats. The kids behind us kept saying “Shutthef*ckupcowboy” or “Yea that’s right! Calgary sucks” and basically taunting him the whole first half. The guy left after the first half. Note to self: don’t wear cowboy hat to BC Lion’s game.
• Football is interesting live, and now that I’ve been to a game. I can honestly say that Madden 2009 looks very close to the real thing. (no I don’t own the game. Archie does.)
• There are a lot of women who go to these games dressed pretty scantily like hookers. I don’t understand this. I don’t think it was because it was hot or if it was to get themselves on TV. If they’re looking for a husband, then there are better places to find one. Might I suggest: prison?
• I always had this expectation of cheerleaders. Beautiful, synchronized, hyped and energetic. I suppose 1/4 isn’t bad (you guys can guess which one).
• Who the heck gets away with charging 4 dollars for a .80 bottle of water? I’ll tell you: David Podmore, prison gang leaders and 3rd world dictators. That’s who!

The Lions lost that night. Meh.

10:00 am 1 Comment

Things that I will never understand #59: Ed Hardy

I don’t quite understand the Ed Hardy fashion trend. Granted, I might be a little too preppy to understand it, but to me, Ed Hardy branded clothing/accessories make you look incredibly douche-y. It takes the small amount of douche bag in your personality and then magnifies it to the n-th degree. Now, granted I have a lot of friends who wear Ed Hardy. They are not douchebags; they are quite nice actually. However, that being said. The general design of Ed Hardy  just instantly turns people into glitter balls of douche-y-ness.

Allow me to illustrate my point. Please observe the following transformation:

Instant douchebaggery!

Let me further explain. Ed Hardy was made by Christian AuditrailerparkerlivinginFrance; maker of the other douchebag clothing line: Von Dutch. Who is involved in multiple lawsuits with his business partners for breach of contract (ie Being a douche). He is also the owner of certain Shakespearean quotes such as:

“I like tigers so much that I put them on many pieces in this year’s collection. I just add sparkles and rivets to complete my vision.”

So there you have it folks, if you would like to look like you’re housing a few glittery tigers in your t-shirt and seem like the only font your t-shirt company has installed is medieval then Ed Hardy is totally for you.

In addition, here are some instances/places in hell where Ed Hardy clothing would be perfect for. Here are just a few:

• Hell’s angels. Now let me get this straight. I’m not calling you guys douches (don’tkillmethankyouverymuch). I’m just saying that you guys are muscle bound and for some reason Ed Hardy gear looks good on bigger people.
• Bobby Flay. You heard me. C’mon. You’re already a douche bag; you might as well stop with the Banana Republic clothing and start wearing your personality.
• Actual douchebags. This kinda goes without saying. I once saw a guy in an Ed Hardy shirt yelling at a cashier while punching his wife in the face. Of course, I tend to exaggerate he could’ve just been ordering a hotdog/fajita from the local 7-11.

8:00 am 0 Comments