Edward Cullin’s Blog Posts

Posted 1564 days ago · 7 Comments

Since there was a lot of back and forth staring in the Twilight movie, I wanted to help audiences by filling in the silent gaps with my own interpretation.

Cafeteria Staring Contest

Dear blog,

Today, some pale looking chick was staring at me across the cafeteria. Why is she staring at me? I checked in the bathroom and I didn’t have anything on my face. I tried to stare back but the plan kinda backfired; she just kept staring back at me. Dude, I’d so get killed in a staring contest with her.

My eyes hurt, too much staring.

Heard some kids talking and saying that she moved here from Arizona. I wonder if they’re all that pale in Arizona?!

Science Sucks, but trucks suck more!

Dear blog,

Today, that creepy out of town girl sat beside me in science lab. She’s weird and smells like diner food. I don’t understand why she constantly tries to talk to me. Like I really care about science, I’m like 10,000 years old! I pwn you science!

Frick! Later that day, that same crazy staring girl was so spaced out that she didn’t see a truck hurdling towards her. C’mon! A truck spinning out of control and your first reaction was to stand there and play statue? I totally saved her with the super strength and ish. Yeah, that’s right! Edward = the man!

Hamburgers, Fries and Weird Girls

Dear blog,

So this chick Bella, she’s kinda cute right? So since I really don’t have much to do at night, I go into her room and just stare at her (that’s one way to win a staring contest) and watch her while she sleeps. Creepy and fun at the same time! A guy has to have hobbies right?

Anyway, she started talking in her sleep about hamburgers and fries. Man this girl really likes diner food.

Ok, nuff blogging. Gonna go roll in my space-age old person car.

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  • Shaelyn

    That was so funny LOL Totally I usally make fun of the charecters in books in Twilight I could make fun of everbody exept Edward nice could you do me a favor make some more

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  • http://www.macapinlac.com Ritchie

    hah actually that was the first time I’ve tried doing something like this for another character
    other than my mom.

  • Myisha

    lol this is funny! this part is the best, “Later that day, that same crazy staring girl was so spaced out that she didn’t see a truck hurdling towards her. C’mon! A truck spinning out of control and your first reaction was to stand there and play statue?”

  • http://www.kapgar.com kapgar

    I gotta stop reading stuff like this in the morning. I’m going to wake up my wife with my laughing. Guess I’m not the only one to steal away with a pop culture persona in my blog these days. ;-)

  • http://craftastrophe.net Karen Sugarpants

    Bwahahahahaha! That was so perfect!