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Roy Jones Jr. who?

There were a lot of funny little things that came out of the Las Vegas trip but I think that this will probably be the last post about it. Cause you know, what happens there apparently stays there.

Anyway, John is a big boxing event fan (along with most of my friends). I, on the other hand, don’t really watch sports. The ongoing joke is “Hey Ritchie! Can you name 5 hockey players?” to which I respond by listing every single fashion brand “Dolce, Gabana, and LV”. Bottomline Ritchie is NOT a sports guy and John is.

We were walking through the casino maze looking for the Spice Market Buffet when John stopped dead in his tracks. He apparently saw Roy Jones Jr. playing craps.

John: Dude! Is that Roy Jones Jr?! He’s playing Craps man! I want a picture. Is that him?!
Ritchie: Who the heck is Roy Jones Jr.?
John: You know the boxer? I think there was a fight here a few days ago. Dude let’s go get a picture
Ritchie: Sorry man, I wouldn’t even know. Which one? That dude at the end of the table?
John: Yea man! OMFG! It’s Roy Jones Jr. Dude, get your iPhone out and take a picture.
Ritchie: Erm, you’re not even sure if it’s him. I don’t wanna get punched out by some boxer dude.

* at this point a bunch of blinged out rapper dudes pass by in the hallway and John decides to elicit their opinion *

John (to rapper dudes): Hey man, is that Roy Jones Jr?
Rapper dude: *looks* Yea man, that’s definitely Roy Jones Jr. lemme go holla at that.

* at which point all of them start making their way to the craps table get his autograph and play craps with him *

Ritchie: Who the heck is Roy Jones Jr. ?!

10:06 pm 3 Comments

Ritchie’s First Impressions of Las Vegas

This is my first time in Las Vegas and I’m here with John (also his first time). A few observations that I’d like to document and mention:

1. I’m an early riser that requires coffee to function in a “normal” state. This is bad why? Last night was a long night and I woke up at 5:30am, stumbled my way to the 24 hour Starbucks for an Americano (conveniently located in the Planet Hollywood Casino) and was attacked by a sensory overload of lights and sounds from the casino portion that I had to walk through. Not good since this almost caused me to go into a murderous rampage to all of the casino patrons (who were still drinking and playing – who drinks alcohol at 5:30am, I’ll tell you; alcoholics thats who!)

2. When you’re walking the strip, you can walk in any door and end up in a casino. Which is a pretty obvious fact since we are in Vegas, but you don’t understand. It’s EVERY door!

John: I need to go find a washroom
Me: Hey, look there’s that door with the washroom symbols on it.
John: Ok, let’s go. I really need to go
*Walks through door into the penny slots portion of the casino*
Me: WTF! I don’t think we should be urinating on the slot machines.

3. There is a lot of food to eat here. Not a big deal considering the amount of food that John and I ate seems to be the equivalent to a small supply depot for an army.

John: Dude, check out this muffin!
Me: Holy crap, that thing is huge!
John: It’s like 3 muffins in one! Aaaaaannnnd if you really want to, you can get Prime Rib for breakfast!
Me: Yes, only in Vegas can you get a muffin the portion of a small planet and still get some fatty prime rib steak with au jus made with the fat of angels with it.

4. There are rappers every where. Now generally, I don’t get scared with thugs; I usually socialize very well with people but in Old Vegas at 1am every one seems to be a struggling rapper speaking in that Snoop dogg gansta speak. Thank God John speaks ebonics.

Rapper guy: Yo homeboy, let me holla at you for a bit. Check this track out.
Me: Erm, huh?
John: *whispers* They want you to listen to a CD.
Rapper guy: Yea dog, peep this. *puts headphones on my head and plays distorted rap music*
Me: Oh this is pretty good, who is this?
Rapper guy: Oh thats me (name: Troof Serum) on the track, you like it?
John: *whispers* Don’t say you like it or they’ll ask you to buy it.
Me: Yea, it’s pretty good.
Rapper guy: Well, if you like it; we’ll give you a CD for a small donation. *stares directly into Ritchie’s soul*
Me: *throws 2 bucks* Runs like the dickens, while screaming “please don’t kill me” repeatedly.

Fun yes, but me thinks we’ll be taking the cab instead of walking from now on.

8:43 am 3 Comments

Insert clever title here

Since I find myself struggling to write something significant or even remotely funny, here are a few links that can fill the gap in the meantime.

Hope you like ‘em.

• Urgency is poisonous
• Jott! Get simple back
• Build your library with these 110 books
• Most awesome alarm clock!

I’m going to Las Vegas this weekend for a few days. Any suggestions?

7:35 am 0 Comments