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Jehovah wasn’t Cantonese, I don’t think.

Ok, I have nothing against Jehovah’s witnesses. I really don’t. I respect their right to worship whoever they want. I don’t really have a problem with them going door to door like a encyclopedia sales people either.

Let me try to explain something though. Going to sleep at 3am on a Friday night, and getting a visit (read: continuous door bells) from one of you guys at 8:30am doesn’t fall into the “pleasant category.” Especially when you insist that I speak Cantonese even though I’m giving you the “I don’t understand” face and body language. Also, just for the record, shoving your flyers/booklets into my door will not magically give me the ability to understand what you’re saying.

It’s a fine line being polite and rude and I believe that fine line is at 8:30am on a Saturday morning with less than 8 hours of sleep. I think at that particular moment, you could’ve been giving me a million dollars with the promise that Steve Jobs as my personal butler and my primary reaction would’ve been to slam the door in your face and feed your babies to the dogs.

10:26 am 0 Comments

Awkwaaaard….

Damn it people! If you’re going to attempt to pick up on a person. Please don’t do it with me around. I lose less tooth enamel that way (read: my embarrassment for you causes me to grind my teeth). I understand its hard to meet people but time and place people! For example, working at Tim Hortons while waiting on a looong line up in the mall where you can barely hear the orders is NOT a good place to initiate.

And just to state the obvious, if you need a wingman to pick up customers. Please don’t use me, as I am socially awkward when put on the spot. Especially when being asked for my opinion about another man.

Lady working: Hi there, you’re cute. Can I take your order?
Man ordering (standing in front of me): …. just a large coffee and a bagel please.
Lady working: Coming right up sweetie.
Man ordering: … erm… thanks.
Lady working: So since we’re waiting for your order to come through, wanna take me out for dinner?
Man ordering: Me? Really?
Lady working: Yea man! I’m not talking to any other cute guy around here besides you.

At this point, she looks over the guy and directly at me who is already feeling pretty awkward about hearing the whole conversation.

Lady working: Don’t you think he’s cute?!
Me: Erm… yes? No?
Lady working: …
Me: I mean, I wouldn’t know. He’s good looking for a guy ordering coffee at the local Tim Hortons. I think. *

Ladies, I don’t mind being your wingman. I really don’t but please, give me a bit of notice. If you’re going to do it, please send a memo, an email or something… maybe even a smoke signal.

* incidentally, these were my EXACT words. In retrospect, I should have probably said something else, but that was the best I could do on a moment’s notice.

4:16 pm 4 Comments